i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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