I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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