I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i love accidental penises.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
