so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
