I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
