are you so shy because you have an std?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
