Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
