there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
