So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
