the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
