I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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