My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
