so explain again why im purple
no
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
