I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
