I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
