Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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