I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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