Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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