Umm I'm too high to move.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
