David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
