If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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