You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
