Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
