I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
