My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
