I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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