Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
