I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
