I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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