I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
