Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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