i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
