I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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