i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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