HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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