we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
