i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
