We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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