the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
