every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
