I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
