based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
