Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm always down for nudity.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
