DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
