Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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