I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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