can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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