That's intense
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
