i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This baby is an asshole
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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