How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
