My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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