every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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