we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
What drink are we having for lunch?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
