I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
