I must be too annoying 4 u.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
