after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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